Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Head Spinning Moment Of The Day

Grab your cranium, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

This paragraph comes from a preliminary report issued by the University of Colorado on angry white guy Ward Churchill. Enjoy!

The question of Professor Churchill's Indian status raises two separate but related issues. First, did Professor Churchill misrepresent his Indian status on an employment application and, as a result, gain an employment advantage? This question arose in 1994 when certain Indian leaders communicated with the University claiming, among other things, that Professor Churchill lied on his application about his Indian heritage. The then Boulder campus chancellor reviewed this complaint and concluded that University policy permitted self-identification. The chancellor noted that the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission took the position that observation and self identification are the most reliable indicators of ethnicity. The chancellor declined to pursue the matter. The question about Professor Churchill's employment application must be considered closed as a result of this ten-year old review.

Do you have a Master's degree but worry that you might not be hired for that tenure track position at a major research university without a Ph.D.? Well, why not improve your chances by taking advantage of generous affirmative actions opportunities? I myself will start applying for jobs at Colorado as a black female. Why not? As long as I self identify myself that way the university is bound by precedent to accept it. Why is that? Well, self indentification is the most accurate measure of ethnicity. So if I claim to be a black woman, despite the actual color of my skin and the fact I have a penis, that is most likely correct, right? Unbelievably, Colorado states this is what they think. Colorado even goes a step further to imply that actual evidence can be ignored. Phew! I was worried for a second that my white skin and my genitalia would get in the way of my university career as a black woman.

The stupidity of Colorado's position is breathtaking. It's almost beautifully stupid. Just take a moment to step back and marvel at it. You won't see its like very often.

Just think of its larger implications! As long as something is generally true you have to assume it is true in every specific instance, logic be damned! Contradicting evidence be damned! Just imagine all the interesting historical possibilities this can open up.

* It's generally true that world leaders do not engage in genocidal campaigns. Therefore we have to assume that Hitler and Pol Pot are not guilty of genocide.

* It's generally true that citizens do not rob banks. Therefore we can assume that no specific individual is a bank robber.

* It's generally true that terrorists do not hijack planes and fly them into buildings. Therefore it is safe to assume that no individual terrorist would do such a thing.

Isn't modern scholarship exciting?

The idea that it is the actual policy of the University of Colorado to remain open to fraud needs to be retired to some stupidity hall of fame. The idea that because a question was looked at (and swept under the rug) ten years ago it mandates that no new evidence can be looked at, is almost nearly as dumb. Incredible.

Colorado should change their mascot from the Buffaloes to the Deuling Stupidities.

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