Sleepless In America: 2014 Edition

God only knows how anyone in this country can sleep when we don't know if the redhead from the Wendy's commercials has the correct beliefs.

And what about the GEICO gecko?

Insomnia here we come.

Profiles In Courage: Part 344

I'll always remember the year 2011 as the time brave souls took to the streets and fought for the right to camp illegally whenever and wherever they damn well feel like it.

Power brothers and sisters.

What The H?

We now need gay friendly hamburgers?

When news came that St. Louis would be home to a Hamburger Mary’s Bar and Grille, hundreds of Sauce readers expressed their approval of the hamburger chain that markets itself as gay-friendly...

The Scoop’s initial question was what made Hamburger Mary’s GLBT friendly? Erney explained that the franchise was founded by a predominately gay ownership who offered “good food in a non-threatening atmosphere.”

As opposed to what exactly? Where are these gay threatening restaurants?

This inquiring mind would like to know.

UPDATING:

Let's call the timing of this story serendipitous.

A federal judge has refused to dismiss a lawsuit filed by three men who claim they were disqualified from the 2008 Gay Softball World Series near Seattle for not being gay enough.

The men, members of a San Francisco softball team, say they were questioned in front of a room full of strangers about their sexual preferences after a protest was lodged alleging their team had violated a rule that limited to two the number of heterosexuals on any team.

The three men, who are bisexual, say the questioning was intrusive and allege in the lawsuit that the event's sponsor and its rule violate state anti-discrimination laws.

However, U.S. District Judge John Coughenour found that the North American Gay Amateur Athletic Association, which sponsors the yearly event, can keep its rule. The First Amendment guarantees of freedom of expression and association allow organizations like the softball association to limit membership to individuals with like-minded beliefs in order to promote a broader agenda — in this case, ensuring gay athletes have a safe and accepting community in which to play, he ruled.
[emphasis added]

Where are these communities with roving bands of heterosexuals demanding to know the sexual preferences of gay ball teams?

I must have always lived in the most boring of places, but at least a gay guy could play the hot corner and get a double with cheese.

It's Time To Get A Life, People

The horror: Groupon axes controversial ad campaign

Groupon founder Andrew Mason has pulled a series of controversial ads that began running during the Super Bowl, saying "one thing is clear -- our ads offended a lot of people."

The announcement was on the company's official blog Thursday.

"We hate that we offended people, and we're very sorry that we did -- it's the last thing we wanted," Mason said. "We've listened to your feedback, and since we don't see the point in continuing to anger people, we're pulling the ads."

Mason said some of the ads may run again on Friday before the advertising schedule is fully rescinded.

In three spots that ran before, during and after Sunday's game, commercials that appeared to promote humanitarian and environmental causes -- most notably Chinese government oppression in Tibet -- swerved to become tongue-in-cheek pitches for Groupon deals.

Critics, many of whom took to Facebook and Twitter to complain, said the ads, directed by actor-director Christopher Guest of "This is Spinal Tap" and "Best In Show" fame, made light of serious situations.

Oh, for chrissakes.

I swear, it seems half the US population have turned into church ladies from the 1950's.

Etiquette tip: Being a moralizing prude makes one freakishly boring.

Besides, for my money you cannot have enough Elizabeth Hurley on TV.

The Bane Of My Existence: Golf People

First, I'm subjected (along with other exciting sports lovers) to their interminable tournaments monopolizing huge chunks of weekend television coverage. Now, I can't hear about the Winter Olympics, or the start of baseball Spring Training, or the tight conference races in college basketball, or anything else remotely interesting to those who like sports, because I'm supposed to care about where Tiger Woods sticks his John Thomas and the state of his marital vows.

Ugh.

Golf people...please go away (and don't ever come back.)

Because I Dont Twitter

I'll post this here:

Bobbing for apples is water-boarding for children.

Maybe I'm Over-Qualified?

U of I to hire binge drinking consultant:

The University of Iowa will spend $165,000 in private money to hire consultants to develop plans for communications and binge drinking.

Hell, I'd do it for only $45,000 plus expenses (bar tabs, cab rides, and late night burrito consumption.) Definitely, I would advocate a hands on "learn by doing" method.

U of I President Sally Mason announced the plans to the Iowa Board of Regents as part of her presentation of how the university is handing $7.5 million in budget cuts for this year. Another 6.5 percent budget trim has been proposed for next year....

...designing a communications strategy and a plan to combat binge drinking were important enough priorities to warrant spending private money, Mason said.

Oh, they want to combat binge drinking.

Never mind.

This Sounds About Right

H/T to Clevergael, who reigns supreme as a Uber Cool Nerd Goddess.

Does Anyone Know?

Anyone have an ETA on all those government controlled thermostats?

BS Argument Of The Day

From the normally reliable Winds Of Change:

I need to weigh in on the Obama/anti-Semetic web page brouhaha. The critics need to chill before they badly embarrass themselves on this one.

While there are legitimate grounds to poke Obama on his issues wrt Israel and Jews (and in response to being poked, he's made pretty much all the right noises - enough that it's not a Top Ten issue for me), this is absolutely, unqualifiedly not one of them.

Here's why. Any registered user of mybarakobama.com can post a blog - which this was. There's no advance moderation, because - I imagine - they can't afford it, and they want to keep the site 'spontaneous'.

Yeah, right. The wealthiest campaign in recorded history can't afford to do quality control on its official campaign website.

I'm sorry, but who is embarrassing themselves here?

A Vision Of Obama I Can Finally Get Behind

Of course it must be fictional: Dreams of my Foosball

The Lost Excerpts from the Barack Obama memoirs

I spent the last two years of high school in a daze, blocking away the questions that life, and my Mr. Natural blacklight poster, seemed insistent on posing. I attended class sparingly, played foosball heavily, and smoked weed enthusiastically. So enthusiastically that my nickname was "Bogart." Okay, maybe it was the last four years of high school.

Most of that daze happened at a little strip mall foosball parlor on the Eastside of HonoluIu. Inside that dingy flourescent sanctuary I discovered it really didn't matter if you were black or white, a surfer or a hodad, whether you had enough money to buy air shocks for your Camaro. Everyone was welcome in our club of disaffection, as long you had a pukka shell necklace and a roll of quarters and a spray can of silicon lube for the old table that had a sticky goalie shaft. Under those buzzing lights I practiced my wicked crossover corner shot and contemplated the big questions: life, justice, how many matchbooks it really took to level the air hockey table. Should a bounce-out count as a goal?

Sometimes the questions got to be too much and I would escape to the solitude of the Bally Wizard machine. I was living in the moment, channeling my disaffected rage though its erratic flipper buttons -- the left one always seemed to short out just as I was nearing a free game -- and thought about the words of Dr. King and Eldridge Cleaver while Boston and Head East blared on the Seeberg jukebox. Sometimes we'd go out to the parking lot and blaze a one hitter in the back of Kip's Econoline. We talked about the unfulfilled promises of America, and Todd, the guy who claimed he could get us fake Nevada IDs. And if the high didn’t solve whatever it was that was getting you down, it could at least help you laugh at the world’s ongoing folly and hypocrisy and bullshit, and those busloads of tourists you mooned from Kip's van porthole.


Also, did I mention we were disaffected?

Much more there, not here.

Conspiracy! Part Deux

I joked around the other day about how the revelations that Clinton and McCain passport records were also improperly looked into ruined a perfectly good anti-Obama conspiracy.

Of course, I hadn't considered the idea that it was really the unravelling of a pro-Obama conspiracy!

(For all of the "humor challenged" out there, I'm still joking around.)

Yet More Candid Straight Talk

Another presidential candidate comes clean:

A Message From Presidential Candidate Dave Burge

As a candidate for the presidency of this great nation of ours, it has been my privilege to meet and hear the concerns of voters from across the political spectrum. If there's anything I've learned along the way it's this: whether they agree with you or not, the American people want candor and straight talk about the issues of the day. That's why I would like to take this opportunity to have an open conversation about the Gimp I have chained in my basement.

By now, many of you may have heard or read the sensationalized reports about my Gimp, and the alleged muffled screams my neighbors recorded coming from my basement window wells. I frankly have to tell you, in all candor, I was as surprised as you when I heard about these audiotapes because I do not recall being in the house on the various nights when these supposed screams occurred. In all honesty, I'm guessing it probably happened during my league bowling night, and my campaign staff will be happy to check through my score sheets to verify. Also, did I mention I am a very heavy sleeper?

There is much more healing of a nation going on over at Iowahawk.

This Is Not An Intelligence Test

It's a typing contest:

68

But, its a fun typing contest.

Sec. Rice Caught In Obvious Lie

There is simply no way to spin your way out of this one: Bush has rhythm, says Rice after Africa trip

President George W. Bush has rhythm, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice assured reporters on Friday after watching her boss join African dancers during his five-nation tour of the continent this week.

"I just want to report that the president did a fair amount of dancing when he was in Africa and demonstrated that he can stay on the beat," said Rice, an accomplished musician who loves to dance herself.

"You look skeptical, but I was there? I can certify," Rice added when reporters chuckled at her observations and asked to see a video of the president dancing.

I defy anyone to watch the President dance and NOT think "That has to be one of the whitest men in America."