The G8 should change its name to the G9. Because if this year’s summit in Heiligendamm, Germany was anything to go by, there’s a new member of the pack.
Alongside the eight most industrialised nations on Earth who make up the ‘Group of Eight’ – Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, the UK and the US, who between them represent around 65 per cent of the world economy – there was a ninth stately presence at Heiligendamm. It didn’t actually sit at the summit itself, but it did have ‘numerous sources at the negotiating table’, to such an extent that it felt like ‘we have the place bugged, because everybody tells us [what is going on]’, said the ninth power. It also held meetings with most of the world leaders, and severely chastised those who refused to meet it. When Canadian PM Stephen Harper said he was too busy to meet with the ninth power he was accused of ‘blocking progress’. ‘Canada has become a laggard’, the ninth power declared. It also passed judgement on the proceedings: its ‘satisfaction’, ‘relief’, ‘fury’ or ‘disappointment’ with the G8’s decisions hogged the newspaper headlines during the three-day summit. It effectively played the role of a second chamber to the G8, keeping a Lord-like watchful eye on what the Group of Eight Commoners came up with.
Who or what was this stately presence at Heiligendamm? It wasn’t a state at all, or even a pseudo-state like the Vatican. It was one Paul Hewson, better known as Bono, the sanctimonious wraparounds-wearing lead singer of a wrinkling Irish rock band that hasn’t made a decent album since 1987 (though I suppose 2000’s All That You Can Leave Behind was okay).
Sp!ked is always worth the read so go over and enjoy.
In the meantime, this article reminds me of one of my all-time favorite jokes (which I'm sure most of you have heard, but for the few who might not have):
When Stevie Ray Vaugn died, he was greeted at the pearly gates by Jimi Hendrix. Stevie was, needless to say, awestruck, especially when Jimi showed him around Rock and Roll heaven.
They walked by a room, and inside was Janis Joplin, swimming in Southern Comfort.
"WOW" said Stevie, "that's Janis Joplin!!"
"Yeah" said Jimi.
They next passed a room with Elvis inside, surrounded by bananas and bread, and he was furiously making fried banana sandwiches. Stevie was, again, awestruck.
The next room contained Jim Morrison with stacks of paper around him, some laced with acid, others covered by Morrison's poetry drivel. Stevie smiled and decided he was going to enjoy it there.
The next room they passed had Bono (lead singer of U2) inside, and he was admiring himself in a mirror, doing his hair.
"WAIT!" faltered Stevie, "Bono's not dead yet!!"
"No no no," said Jimi, "That's God, he just thinks he's Bono!"
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